Having A Moment

We’re wrapping up summer this week and finalizing our fall plans. For our family, it’s a big shift not only from summer to school, but it’s also the beginning of my work season so we go from lots of time together to lots of time apart. My plans have changed slightly as the nanny situation I wanted wasn’t coming together. I’ve almost been too deep in thought and busy with little pesky ‘get ready for school’ tasks to write a coherent blog post this week but the urge to blog is overtaking me; so here we go.

Last year when I worked, my husband worked an opposite shift so we didn’t have any childcare. This year, he is starting school (and still working full time) and we don’t have that option. We have known The Nanny for quite a while, and she loves our kids. Unfortunately, our schedules don’t work together so I had to come up with Plan B. After a few days of trying to work out The Nanny Situation, I felt like I was doing math, and I am really bad at math. I decided to check out daycare centers.

This was a giant big huge enormous step for me. I am officially a Working Mom (even if it’s not year-round). Someone else is taking care of my kids the majority of the time. I had to swallow hard just to write that last line. They are only in school half days.
My kids seem completely unfazed. A.P. is excited that he gets to ride the bus from school to daycare. Maybelle is excited because they have a lot of books.

I am trying to look at this as a growth experience. As a parent this is just one of many ‘controlled releases’ into the world, until they ultimately become independent. School didn’t bother me though, partly because I’m a very involved parent, and partly because I loved school and believe they will too. I never went to daycare. I never rode the bus. I worry that Maybelle is too young for this and it will change her in a way that isn’t best for her. On top of it, it’s so much change at once – school for them, school for my husband, and me working out of the home and not as able to do for them what I usually can.

I know change isn’t always bad. I am actually pretty good with change myself – it’s when my kids are involved that I get nervous. Am I doing what is best for them? Am I doing my best for them? I have pretty close to 0% guilt as a mom. I am confident in my ability to be a good mom to my kids – it comes more easily than anything ever has and when it’s difficult; the struggles feel ‘real’ as opposed to some situations I encountered in Corporate America. I am 100% vested in the outcome.

I know my kids are resilient and flexible. I also know that this isn’t forever. I am encouraged by their excitement, and look forward to the satisfaction of ‘making it happen’ at work. I am going to have faith that this will work out for everyone.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Having A Moment

  1. CLEAVERMAMA

    You are an amazing wife, mom, friend, and “runner of the house”. If anyone can make it work— ITS YOU!

  2. ofebers

    Ditto to Cleavermama!
    What’s is Mr. Binder going to school for?

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